February 28, 2012 – I Didn’t Know My Own Strength

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

The very first time I discovered and read the International Bestseller, You Can Heal Your Life by master teacher and metaphysical lecturer, Louise L. Hay, I was 27 and at the onset of discovering what I was truly made of. Moving through my marriage gone awry and becoming a speedy single parent of two, brought about many challenges and many fears indescribable but also many [unforeseen] assurances that would awaken great rewards. During that time, finding resolution while generating balance seemed impossible; but that experience pushed me in ways unimaginable, and it was the very first time in my life that I realized I had innate power; I just didn’t know how to employ it.

Since that cataclysmic reality and more than 13 years later, I have attentively become aware of the divine components that substantiate the Who I Am: a survivor, a soldier, a supporter, a motivator, and a friend. I have come to understand that our strength is forever tested, no matter where we are [in or on] our journey, but particularly when we assume we’ve got life “all figured out.” None of us incessantly have it all under control however we recognize that our survival mechanisms kick into gear when needed and when the alarm sounds. And none of us really know how strong we truly are until our faith, character, and willpower is tested to the maximum of limits. Now on a different flight, my present-day position has provoked me to reading that book again.

More than one week ago my fingertips tip-toed to the book shelf and pulled Louise Hay – [my Louise I call her] and bizarrely, it was several days after the disturbing and sudden death of Pop Queen and Music Icon, Whitney Houston. As I began to revisit the pages, my spirit felt an unexplainable heaviness. Yes, I was saddened as everyone else by the world wide news of the loss of one sincere humanitarian and one of the most stimulating performers to have ever graced a platform; but more empathetically, I weeped for all of the living, walking, disconcerted souls who often devastatingly fall into the dark hole of fear; who can’t, couldn’t, or didn’t find their way to the light at the end of the tunnel; who had regrettably forgotten their purpose, their power, and most important – God’s promise.

Initially while considering writing this all-pervading yet insightful commentary, I was inspired but reluctant for many reasons. I considered the critical society in which we exist [we often judge but we never know someone else’s journey because were simply not walking in his or her shoes]; it’s imperceptible looking from the outside-in. I considered that by sharing my own story it would perhaps make me more vulnerable than I cared to be [but I would not focus on that]. I considered the many self-inflicted inadequacies that hinder everyday people from becoming their very best self and the fear of living that keeps them in the dark. I also considered the challenges and calamities caused by that of various addictions, conditions, and life choices. Many of these conditions plague our sisters, brothers, mothers, children, fathers, and friends, who are afraid to discuss, disclose, seek, or resolve any issue because of what others might think, say, do, or not do. Somehow folks associate love with control. Love does not seek to control. Love always seeks to heal – never to hurt. And so, I greatly considered how my reflective thoughts and experiences could be of encouragement to someone else alongside their journey to seeking peace, purpose, and possibilities.

The mind is a fragile place. I know this to be true. While I’ve never suffered to the extent of having [had] an addiction of alcohol or substance abuse, physical abuse, or had to deal with the prominence that often comes with prestige and fortune – I know how it feels to hurt, powerlessly, and literally fall below the deepest line of despair. I can account for the measure in which depression can physically transport one individual from their flight-to-fight for life – because once upon a time, that individual was me. The upheavals, slippery slopes, great challenges, brutal emotional battles, arrivals, and departures: I candidly share quantities of those experiences in my impending memoir, Bridges. I am reminded of how not so long ago I, myself was in a place of unfathomable despondency, a dark hole of hopelessness, and drowning without a life boat to save me. Until that moment – I didn’t even know MY OWN strength. Thirteen years ago seems like a long time, but at some point time becomes nonexistent. It appears and disappears in a single flash. It becomes a reminiscence of both positives and negatives but NO coincidences at all, only lessons and actualities that never quite evacuate the premises – and the domain is you.

The rabble-rousing demons called fear attack us, and when they do – we deeply consider them when we fall; we piercingly hear them when we fail; we internally feel them when were ultimately afraid, and we all make familiar with them at some point or another in our lives. Not one of us is exempt. Daily we privately practice not loving ourselves by acknowledging that we are not enough. Believably, it takes a lifetime for some of us to accept who we are and begin to salute ourselves with the highest honor and regard. We forget how strong we are and CAN be, and how to use our divine powers for growth, self-discipline, and mental stability. This is the power that makes us whole beings. Providing ourselves with positive daily reminders while reclaiming and reaffirming our power can serve as the essential reinforcement we require.

Today and every day – YOU are strong. You have inner strength beyond compare. If you think back over your life: the good times, the bad times, the not-sure-what-to-make-of-it times, the dramas, the traumas, and the triumphs too – you get to see where they have been leading you, guiding you, and pushing you. Through hindsight we realize that our past has had more of a positive purpose than we will ever come to understand. Don’t underestimate the power of your own strength to conquer any beast, whatever that beast may be. You CAN heal your life and you CAN change the balance of your power. There may be a shortage of many things but there is never a shortage of opportunity. When you begin to take steps to truly heal your life, you receive a blessing for your bravery.

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Love and Light for your Tuesday. Reference commentary of December 13, 2011: STRONGER

Whitney Houston released I Didn’t Know My Own Strength on August 28, 2009, from her seventh studio album, I Look To You

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